Here's where I normally write about something fun, or some new game I'm playing. Something positive to help uplift your day for a moment or two, and leave a positive impression. But I'll be honest, your boy Cj isn't doing well.
I'm not dead. Not dying. I WILL be okay, but right now I'm not. I don't like being a downer. I like to be happy. To be a source of joy and good memories. But I also feel like its my duty as a media personality to help start discussions about a very real issue that effects every one of us in some way. Mental Illness is not something that can just be shoved into a folder to be talked about later. I care about every one of my fans, and part of that is sometimes saying the unpleasant stuff.
Motivation is a very limited resource. If these words ever make it to your eyes, it will be a miracle. Every day I get up, shower, and work, it feels like it my tank is empty by lunch. Creating is hard. Having fun is even harder.
I loose myself in a game for hours, never quite sure if I'm even having fun, or just killing time until I'm tired enough to sleep. I either over eat, or eat nothing at all. I have trouble caring about much more than going back to bed. And I'm very sure there's a few of you out there who know exactly the feeling I'm talking about.
Its like life is a game, and somebody turned the difficulty way up.
But I've never let a game defeat me before. I won't now either. Every day I struggle is another monster I've beaten. Like playing an RPG game. Sometimes the big boss is just too much, so you have to take time to grind and get stronger. It seems like a long process at first, but day by day, battle by battle, you get there. Every turn you spend casting spells is another turn closer to slaying the dragon. It will feel pointless at some points, hopeless at others. But hang in there. I know I'm trying to. One day, both of us, me and you dear reader, will slay the boss monster we're struggling with and as we stand upon the ruins of everything that held us back, we will know the fight was worth it.
Never forget one of your most important tools, your party. No JRPG hero is every without his trusted friends. You have a party to help you fight too. They're all around. In person, online, even via post. If you need help, ask them. Let them know you need a hand to keep going some days. Use every tool you have. Never let that monster win. And if you feel like you have nobody on your side, just ask your friends at CATV, we can prove you wrong. You have an army of people fighting similar battles, and we're here if you just let us know you need it.
-CJ
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